


you're already hurt (i'm scared that if you put your trust in me, i'll make it worse)

by gabriphales



Series: gomens drabble hell [12]
Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Drabble, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, basically everything up to before the execution is the same, no attempted murder on gabriels part, ocd-coded gabe is all i can write now, v briefly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:27:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23651566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gabriphales/pseuds/gabriphales
Summary: in which gabriel struggles w/ guilt, and aziraphale is of little help
Relationships: Aziraphale/Gabriel (Good Omens)
Series: gomens drabble hell [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1664713
Kudos: 21





	you're already hurt (i'm scared that if you put your trust in me, i'll make it worse)

**Author's Note:**

> i love my nasty boys sad and my good boys awkwardly comforting them

"do you want someone to be with you? while you're feeling like this?"

gabriel doesn't answer. the hand on his back seems to stroke at the ache settled between his shoulder blades more than it seems to soothe. aziraphale's fingers press into the hard, wired knot of his muscles, melding at the tension there, but they don't offer much assistance to the untameable, fiercely churning fear that spreads from gabriel's chest to every other part of his body. he's immobile like this - moving is too severe a risk to hazard. moving means he can do something wrong, set _another_ problem fermenting.

moving means he can be dangerous again. and he doesn't want to be a danger anymore.

"gabriel, i need you to answer me." aziraphale says. he's too kind, too warm, so warm his very presence is like a wick set alight. the candle's been smoking for far too long between them. and gabriel - gabriel's already managed to burn him once. that makes it all the more easy to burn him again.

"i don't want you to be here." he grumbles, tucking the bedcovers over his head. "go away."

he sounds petulant, whiny - like a fussing child desperate to stomp their way out of bedtime. but at least that's better than sounding angry. at least that's better than sounding cruel.

aziraphale doesn't listen. "you look wretched. you're only going to end up feeling worse if you don't let me in."

"good." gabriel bites back. there's no silver lining to the fervor seeded between his teeth. he's a vicious, unrestrainable person, and he never thinks to control what he's saying before he says it. he knows the undertone to his words is as recognizable as the bruises on his knuckles, and the dried, browning blood tucked underneath his fingernails. he knows _aziraphale_ knows what he means. perhaps, _perhaps_ even a little more than he does.

he means _good, because i don't want to get better._ and he means _good, i deserve to feel worse._ but there's no easy way of cooling the scorch left behind in gabriel's mouth, the bitter rot on his tongue, so aziraphale keeps patting his back instead. a soft, subtle rub. just enough to keep him settled. just enough to keep him calm.

"i love you." aziraphale tells him. "i forgive you."

and gabriel - gabriel doesn't have the heart to say another word back.


End file.
